I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
