the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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