Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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