i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
