ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
