I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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