You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
