you didnt know i had herpes?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
