i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Panties = found
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize