I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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