Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
