I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
