I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
