saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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