i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
