About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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