The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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