I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
