I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
