K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
