are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
