just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
