We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
