There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
