I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize