Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
