Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
