fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
