happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize