He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
