The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
