The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
