ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
