I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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