Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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