I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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