I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
