Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
