you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
