Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
