Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
