And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
