The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
