I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize