Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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