I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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