Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
