Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
