Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
