So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize