if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
