omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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