The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
