I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
