Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
