those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
