i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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