he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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