Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
