There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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