My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
