i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
