wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
